Gippy’s Galatta – WHAT HAPPENED AT DORE’S PLACE ON SUNDAY 29th. JULY, 2018

SUNDAY 29th. JUlY 2018 –   WODEHOUSE CORNER AT DORE’S

 

Members arrived with their monsoon gear and for a while there was much animated talk on the new weather pattern that defies reliable forecasts. The daily weather report still gives delightfully vague statements like “One or two scattered showers, heavy to very heavy in some parts, accompanied by thunder and lightning in isolated parts” and so on. Cleverly crafted by some legal expert and hemmed by excellent principal and subordinate clauses. Dore said that reading such a forecast before stepping out is of no use as he for one could not say whether he stands in that part of the city where there will be isolated showers or heavy to very heavy rains. So he looks up the sky and opts to decide to take his umbrella giving the benefit of doubt to the weather blighter.

The reason why Dore has to step out, rain or shine, is the stubborn silence of his land line for the last three weeks and the telephone company has been doing nothing about it. He met the telephone company linesmen, supervisors, managers and several others up in the hierarchy but they were all  frank in sincerely saying that nothing can be done about it as the diligent digging of several kilometers around by the Metro underground rail project had struck a fatal blow to the phone cables below and many a junction box has been ripped apart. The end result was that over 1500 phones were laid to rest and so severe has been the damage that there is no saying when the lines would be restored. Every morning and nightfall Dore says a silent prayer and lifts the receiver to check if the patient is showing even feeble signs of breath or recovery or any faint mutter or murmur but the silence persists. Wodehouse, in his place, would have said, “Tombs are chatty in comparison.”

A member observed that, in the last decade or so, hair care and hairdressing has been a preoccupation for thousands who are challenged by falling hair and growing bald silently at the back of the head. It starts with a circular patch, the size of a rupee, quietly increasing (owner unaware) until it reaches the size of an average papad noticed by the family and neighbours. This sets off a crisis and a hectic search is launched for a quick cure. The member said that his next door neighbour received by VPP  a large size pack at a rip-off price in response to an advertisement in the back pages of a magazine in praise of a hair oil that guaranteed excellent results. The neighbour was maha-impressed by a warning in the instruction pamphlet to take care when rubbing the oil on the head not to touch it lest hair may grow on the palms. He purchased soft gloves and commenced the treatment. Daily he checked whether there was any growth by standing in his balcony in the bright light of the morning with a mirror, moving it to different angles to get the light and shade effect. By the end of the month he realised that he was the victim of a fraud but the seller could not be contacted as there was no such shop at the address given. Not one to to be defeated easily he researched into the world of wigs. Now wigs, it appears is an old device and much in vogue in India and abroad. Human hair was collected from the heads of corpses, stored and processed for making wigs even from the mediaeval times. Reference was made to an extract from Charles Nicoll’s treatise on “Shakespeare on Silver Street”  where the immortal Bard’s lines were quoted:

“The golden tresses of the dead,

The right of sepulchers, were shorn away

                      To live a second life on second head….”

Strange thing, this love of people for hair, for promotion of healthy tresses  and classy clinics for tonics and treatment. At this point, a member narrated how his friend had sported a wig after buying it at a fairly exorbitant price and was, in fact, using it for quite some time. Was his friend comfortable using the wig? “Not quite.” He admitted. It appears however that even the wig was not comfortable though seated imperially on the crown. This was evident when during a ride in a car on a windy day while negotiating a bend round a circular garden, the wig dislodged itself from its HQs and took off in a North-North easterly direction and vanished without even a vote of thanks. Relieved of the foreign body sitting on his head, he did not go for a replacement. He merely wiped his head and thanked God for small mercies.

Then there are those who dye their hair and the market is crowded with  modern clinics and expensive stylists with their patents and promises. Anyone who holds out a hand of hope is always welcome to the young and the old. All these in the trade of hair, skin and products of beauty are prophets of hope. PG recalled how in a factory the GM’s steno-secretary one Mr.Nathan who had a basket of white hair on the head went ahead and dyed his hair with the darkest shade of black and turned up for work. The GM who on a normal working day dictated more than 20 letters by noon did not send for his secretary as he was under the mistaken impression that the chap did not show up, even though he was seated as usual in the general office. Late afternoon and the GM was restless and on enquiry was told that Nathan had come in as usual. Nathan was summoned and the GM was aghast to see the unrecognizable revised avatar of his steno-secretary, half smiling and half smirking, after “the alterations and repairs”. The GM, amused but also quite upset, shouted “What! Do you want to join Hollywood now?”  Much laughter around defused the situation.

Well, these days if no one is around to make you laugh, you are advised to keep a pet. In his novels Wodehouse used a variety of pets (often to the discomfort of the characters around) from Eustace the monkey in Uneasy Money to a snake and an alligator (Wilfred) belonging to Lotus Blossom. Was this yet another masterly stroke of the author in calling upon his imagination to practical use? Well, it appears that reality is not far behind. In Melbourne a crazy fellow kept a one metre long crocodile as his pet but left his house open. The reptile wandered round the streets on Christmas Day and settled outside a Mall leading to some lady stumbling over it with her shopping bag. The croc was sitting quietly on the footpath and it seems the Police are frantically looking for its owner.

The bizarre tastes of our fellow men, in the end, make up the puzzling fabric of life and laughter.

 

— PG.

From the archives – Vichanna’s Corner

VICHANNA’S CORNER

By V. C. Doré 


Tandoori Tales from Tamil Naadu


I have been reading a lot on Hindu mythology of late and this Khushboo (yah Nasha!) and Suhasini controversy made me look back on the different epics. The subject of sexuality and pre martial and post marital or extra marital sex has been openly depicted in many and unlike other cultures ( present-day Tamil Culture!) , have never tried to hide it or put it under the carpet. In my last articlce I gave only a few examples. Indeed such instances of “licentious” behavior and sexual expediency have been culturally honored in ancient India. Pre marital sex not a big deal any way.! When girls and boys reach puberty at 14 and 18 respectively and pursue profession and higher education and do not marry till nearing 30 or above , do you expect then to be virgins!?

Take the case of Urvashi ( the name given to a exquisitely beautiful woman )or another damsel Rambaiy. In the oldest Indian Book in the RigVeda, the King Purvaras ,incidentally. a married man had an affair with Urvashi, without a purohit! And saath pheri. In one of the passages it is claimed that Urvashi copulated with Purvaras three times in day even without the aid of Viagra! The commentator narrates that this misadventure?) befell Urvashi because of ever handy mystic device Saapam . The rishis Varuna and Mitra excited by the charms of Urvashi , both ejaculated, simultaneously! That must have been an great engineering feat!

This act produced Rishi Agastya. Because of the Unfair curse Urvashi was sent to earth to be mortal beings – Aishvarya rai or Kajol You can guess!

The above are little known episodes. But here are well known stories of Vishwammitra’s Tapas to become brahma rishi ,was spoilt by Gods ,when they sent the proverbial Menaka(not to be mistaken for sardarini Maneka wife of late Sanjay Gandhi) to get Vishwamtira aroused .The result was Shakuntala .She had a premarital sex with King Dushyantha. They had a son Bharat. The BJP can proudly call our country India that is Bharat .In our religious ceremonies we chant Bharatavarshe Bharata Khande. It seems we Indians never had properly married relationships/.The forbidden fruit always tastes better.

I will be accused of blasphemy when I talk of the main character of Bhagwat Gita. Pravin Togadia and other Hindu stalwarts will protest. I admire Shri Krishna Bhagwan for his extraordinary strength and prowess in seducing 16,000 Gopis .Among the Gopis the most prominent Radha—a married woman. In Today Laws She will be charged with adulterous relation even with a God under the Hindu law( applicable to only Hindus!).Radha is so well acclaimed that in many part of Benares and UP it is common way of greetings Radhe Shyam. Against some religions and even in Hinduism sex was meant only for procreations is all hogwash- it is evident from the mythology that sex was primarily for pleasure .

I will now say something for which I will be —-? Did any of you know that Vishnu had two wives. One was Laxmi the goddess of wealth .When Vishnu looked for a good hill station he chose Tirumalai ( Tirpathi) No doubt a wonderful cool place. When he was searching for the right spot he fell for a local beauty and wanted to marry her name is Padmavathi. But how could Laxmi agree to stay in the same place with Padmaavthi ? So Vishnu made home for her at the foot of the hill Tiruchanur.. However Vishnu had to pay heavy price for this compromise .Laxmi(goddess of Wealth) would not part with any money for this illicit deal. So Krishna had to borrow from Kubera ( the federal bank!)That is how a Hundi( the tall white bag) at Tirupathi which daily collects crores of Rupees.,Vishu still paying Kubera for his indiscretion. For every story there is authority(?) This you will find in one of the small books on sale at Turpathi –Sthaalpuranam. All this only proves the tolerance of Hindus which the Tamil are unnecessarily talibanising. Laxmi was willing to remain married to Vishnu but Padmavathi had to stay in a Chinna veedu officially recognized for the second woman. in Tamil households.

Have you ever heard of King Vichitraviray? He died before he could make his two wives conceive.—Ambika and Ambalika. Vichitravirya’s mother Satyavathi (what a perfect name for Truth!)who was keen to “vamsahvriddhi” asked his own son(?) Veda Vyasa ( also illegitimate—son of Parashar and the fisherwoman Matsya kandi- Like father like son! to impregnate the two women !.As dutiful son Vyasa did as he was told-( How I wish we had such convenient mothers!).As opposed to normal Yoga this is known as Niyoga This resulted in two sons. .Ambika was so afraid that she closed her eyes- Drhritarashtara was born blind. The other,Ambalika shivered and the son born was with skin trouble. Then the mother sent the maid servant who enjoyed herself and Vidura the wise man was born( proves that the best progeny is born out of pleasant and satisfying sex!),Among Reddi communities in Andhra, even today, it is custom to send maidservant to the prospective bridegroom to check his performance!. All of them were born out of boon bound deities and not their mother’s husband.! I have already stated in my last article about Karna – like present day examples of unprotected sex results in unwanted pregnancies. Today’s Tamil operas state even in unwanted pregnancies, they want to keep their boy friends child-, against pressure to abort see Asai ,Anandam, Kolangal

Adi Sankara who was truly enlightened who wrote many treatises on Advaita Philosophy and Vivekachudamani on Self and non Self has written a beautiful book Saunderya Lahiri- I could not imagine how Sankara who never had sex or liaison with ay woman could write beautifully the charms of a woman in his sensually lyrical verses on Devi .

The temples of Khajuraho . is a classic example. The child widow Hemavathi was ravished by Moon God and that is the start of Rajput dynasty Chandela.

Hinduism is a very frank and liberal religion and talibanisation is indeed very shameful

Yatha bhootha prajanathi. See the Truth as it is.

 

Gippy’s Galatta

 

 

 


GIPPY’S GALATTA

By Gippy Doré


WHAT HAPPENED AT DORE’S PLACE

SUNDAY 1st. JUlY 2018 –   WODEHOUSE CORNER AT DORE’S

 

Heavy rains had prompted the rescheduling of June 30th. meeting to July 1st. and here we are fortified by the choicest oily snacks compatible with the rainy weather.

The highlight of June was the visible proof of the indefatigable energy shown by Giri Dore who is neither defeated by age nor by excuses of this and that. Giri Dore conducted a business simulation programme called TABU (Taste of Business) for PG Management Trainees to give them valuable insights and learning skills without clichés and jargons. Driven by updated mathematical devices, the program covered 8 cycles tackling business challenges, Tsunami like demonetisation, petrol price pin-pricks, GST, among Trumps immigration blocks and other political uncertainties.  The faces of the participants lit up with high wattage smiles as their applause echoed “Giri Dore is our Uncle Fred in Springtime”. The class, shaken and stirred like the ingredients of a cake, alas could not get a wink of sleep during the entire session.

Members lamented on the surprising state in education where students scored 100% marks in all subjects, even in English and Marathi. This is like “stagflation” where we see only inflation in marks and stagnation of the intellect. What absurd evaluation standards!! At this rate we should be having shoals of Shakespeares and Shaws. How long can we watch such buffoonery? Another member opined that this may perhaps be a contributory factor in the vast number of mediocre authors in our country. Write one or two novels and get a bookstore signing program. The writers’ world is glutted and the Literary Festivals organised at Jaipur and Delhi are contests of egos amidst the feverish promotion of their books.

The discussion veered to writers who imitate Wodehouse. The popular novel “Jeeves and The Wedding Bells”, a homage to P.G.Wodehouse, by Sebastian Faulks was mentioned and while some condemned any such attempt a few felt that there was nothing wrong if it was an honest attempt to write like the Master as truly sincere readers in deep and respectful appreciation. While reading through the novel a member observed that there were many pages where the humour, though contrived and imitated, was quite funny and readable. It was like reading in a garden where sunlight and shadows of leaves intermingled with a penumbra revealing the false and the fragile.  The ring of the fake coin was loud and clear. Wodehouse, with an indulgent smile, would have observed, “We all have to be something in life”.

Yes, everyone has to be something in life. The suburban burglar and house breaker found a sympathetic corner in Wodehouse’s heart and pen. In Los Angeles a burglar routinely targeted homes while the residents attended funerals. While the mourners were busy in cemeteries he carted off their belongings. Police were after the culprit, Brett Patrick Rogers and nabbed him when he was busy packing inside an afflicted home.

In North Carolina, one Jesse Graham, a fugitive dialled 911 by mistake which promptly led the Police to track him down. Wanted for some offence in New York the Police were searching high and low until he made the fatal mistake. Of such is the surprising world of the petty thief and the pickpocket.

A British ex-soldier suspected of around 40 burglaries in France spent 5 months on the run in the woods before being caught. He amassed a vast trove of treasures, including laptops and jewellery. Police found the burglar living a Spartan existence, with bottled gas for cooking and a stolen TV.

Of such is the kingdom of burglars.

— PG.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Babu’s Bakwas

CRITIQUE OF PURE PERFECTION

 

Sorry Herr Immanuel Kant if I have a categorical imperative to rationalize on you. That is exactly the point.
In my Ethics course a fellow was found cheating in the test. The question was an exercise on how to distinguish between Good and Right. He failed because what he did was good but not right. But that is exactly what the course taught us to choose.
My professor of Finance was lecturing extolling the virtues of risk taking. He explained how risk taking is so important to success as most of us are averse of doing that. I raised my hand and asked him if risk taking is just a euphemism for gambling. He flushed on his face. He said I deserved to get a D in his course if I asked such a question. I mustered enough courage to weakly respond saying I was sorry to have taken the risk of asking that question. I rested my case.
Distinction between Right and Good is not the same as the conundrum of Ends and Means. It is the goal itself that can be good or right.
The two terms of President Obama were so perfectly good. He epitomized all that America wants to be or thinks it is.
On the other hand, President Trump couldn’t care less. To some people he may even appear weird. He is so imperfect. That is why he is so right. He epitomizes what America truly is.
What is rationally perfect is not right. Failings are perfectly human.
It was at the Senate’s Iran Contra hearing. I think it was Senator Walter Rudman who made a remark that hit my solar plexus like a ton of bricks. He told, Oliver North might have been right, and the Congress might have been wrong, but the Congress has a constitutional right to be wrong which he cannot take away.
Just imagine if Earth were to go around the Sun in a perfect circle and revolved on a perfectly perpendicular axis how would it be. It is those little imperfections that make life possible. Those are the causes for seasons, Shakespeares, Miltons, sonnets. romance and music.
One president got fellatio from a barely legal intern under his charge. Another president paid and got unprotected sex from a porn star.
Let the conservative right-wing Evangelicals figure who was right and who was good.
Next time please rationally and consciously mix measured amount of imperfection to whatever you do to make it perfectly imperfect. Else Gods might feel challenged and angels may weep.

Suresh Surmises

ADAM’S APPLE

The epithet Nīlakantha ( nīla = “blue”, kantha = “throat”) refers to a story in which Shiva drank the poison churned up from the ocean world. As per Hindu mythology, the most vicious and venomous poison was created from the sea when Devas (Gods) and Asuras (Demons) churned it in order to obtain Amrit (the nectar of immortality). This poison started to kill both sides.Both parties prayed Lord Shiva to help. Shiva being the supreme one chose to consume the poison. His consort Parvati who was alarmed, stopped it in his throat with her hands thus earning him the name Visakantha, (the one who held poison in his throat). The poison made his throat turn blue. Hence he is also known as Nīlakanta. (the one with a blue throat).Gosaikunda lake is believed to have formed from the digging of the land by the Trishul (holy three-pointed spear, similar to the western trident) of lord Shiva after he drank the poison from Samudramanthan(act of churning) and desperately wanted cold water to quench the overwhelming heat of the poison.

Adam’s Apple is a familiar anatomic feature in the front of the neck that is due to the forward protrusion of the thyroid cartilage, the largest and most prominent cartilage of the larynx..The thyroid cartilage tends to enlarge at adolescence, particularly in males. Enlargement of the Adam’s apple is considered to be one of the secondary gender characteristics. It is usually said that Adam’s apple takes its name from the biblical story about Adam, Eve. the serpent and the apple. A piece of the forbidden fruit stuck in Adam’s throat and created the anatomic Adam’s apple. So the story goes. However, it may be wrong. Adam’s apple in Latin is “pomum Adami.” This may have been a mistranslation of the Hebrew “tappuach ha adam” which also means male bump. Between Latin and English there’s many a slip. The medical term (which is rarely used) for the Adam’s apple is “prominentia laryngea” (prominence of the larynx).

As kids undergo growing pains, their bodies and minds go through tons of changes. One change that every kid can count on is lots of body parts growing and changing shape. Almost every part gets in on the growing action, including the larynx (say: lar-inks). Another name for the larynx is the voice box, and it’s in the throat. The larynx is what gives you your voice, whether you’re talking, laughing, whispering, singing, or screaming! You can find your larynx by touching the front of your throat and humming. When you feel vibrations under your fingers, you’ve found it! When the larynx grows larger during maturity, it sticks out at the front of the throat. This is what’s called an Adam’s apple. Everyone’s larynx enlarges as we grow up, but a girl’s larynx doesn’t grow as much as a boy’s does. That’s why boys have Adam’s apples. Most girls don’t have Adam’s apples, but some do. It’s no big deal either way. The larger larynx also gives boys deeper voices. Actually, girls’ voices get a little bit deeper as their larynxes get larger, too. But because boys’ larynxes grow so much more, it makes their voices deeper than girls’ voices. The larynx doesn’t grow to its new size overnight, though. If you’ve ever heard a teenage boy’s voice sound squeaky, you’ve heard a larynx trying to get adjusted to its new size!

Gippy’s Galatta

G. C. Dore Business Game At Siemens Kalva- Mumbai  :

Mr. Giri Dore oldest CT ( 83+) conducted a business game (TABU= Taste of Business ) for the latest batch of CT’s on the 6th and 7th of June 2018 at Kalwa, It had all the adventures and upheavals of today’s business world, like demonetization, inflation, Brexit, GST etc. The game covers 8 business years. The trainees made losses in the first 4 years but bounced back into sunshine of profits in the next 4 years. The Programme concluded with music played by Mr. Dore on the Hamonica.

Regards

Sasikumar Menon