Critique Section – This information will be provided by the Critic: Cynthia Sherman

 

The Current Title – How catchy is it? How well does it convey the information in the manuscript? Tandoori Texan Tales by Raj Dore.

This title is catchy, and it conveys the information in the manuscript. This is a terrific title, and it will draw your potential readers in. This is a nice choice for a title.

 

The Current Synopsis – How catchy is it? Does it intrigue?

The current synopsis is catchy and intriguing. This synopsis will entice readers into picking this up and reading it.

 

As a side note, as this manuscript progresses with each publishing step, an editor may want a synopsis/outline for each chapter or section. Each editor has different requirements. I am only making you aware of the possibility that a chapter by chapter synopsis/outline may be needed. This synopsis/outline should be a very short and descriptive paragraph for each chapter or section.

 

The Current Length of the Work – Is it appropriate for the target market?

The taragt market is family drama, adventure. People from and interested in the history and culture of the Indian sub-continent. I agree with this target market. This manuscript will have mass appeal. My word count is around 49,312, and the version that I read contained 220 pages.

What is the power of the opening 3-5 sentences?

"It all started with American Airlines Flight 523 at the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport. Seema, my wife dropped me off at the Terminal A by the curbside at 3:30PM on that Sunday afternoon, and drove off before it was going to be Munni’s feed time. I was on my weekly jaunt to Raleigh, North Carolina. I had one leg here and one leg there. I was working on a project to provide Software Consultancy to Carolina Power & Utility Company, while my home was still in Dallas. I was called a Contract Consultant. Large corporations would often hire people like me to help them out with sudden surge of work. While they needed extra hands to get over such humps, they loathed hiring permanent employees."

These sentences are powerful. They introduce characters, a setting, and they set the tone. this is a nice beginning. The readers will be intrigued.

 

 

Dialogue (if any) – Describe and comment.

The dialogue is easy to understand and follow. The readers will appreciate the ease with which this may be read. Nice work. Each scene transitions smoothly into the next because of this dialogue. I am impressed.

As I think you already quite well understand (from what I’ve seen in your manuscript), Always keep in mind that dialogue is an excellent way to convey character. The more you can "show" someone through dialogue (both external and internal), gestures and action, the less you have to "tell" your reader (i. e., narration). "Telling" doesn’t directly involve your reader; "showing" does. And to write a successful story, you have to involve your reader! Nice work.

 

Mechanics – Grammar:

as we both had had Omit one had. (69)

they had had good rains Omit one had. (132)

 

Mechanics – Spelling:

roomfull Spell as roomful. (206)

Your grammar and spelling are quite satisfactory. Congratulations! When your mechanics are solid and you know how to tell an interesting story, you’re halfway home. The rest is just marketing – and patience!

Mechanics – Punctuation:

very very Write as very, very (57)

said Place a comma after said. (10)

her". Place the period inside of the quotation marks. (10)

you". See above. (11)

embarrassment". See above. (13)

today", Place the comma inside of the quotation marks. (15)

check". Place the period inside of the quotation marks. (15)

When using quotation marks, the ending punctuation marks are placed inside of the quotation marks. Proofread for this throughout.

Mechanics – Formatting:

When submitting a manuscript to an editor for corrections or suggestions, Times New Roman size 12 is usually used.

Indent all paragraphs.

You obviously understand the requirement of paragraph breaks every time you change speakers in a dialogue – and (as a courtesy to your reader) once again to break up larger bits of information into more manageable sizes. Thank you for doing your homework concerning paragraph usage.

 

Is there a need for illustrations? (Children’s, non-fiction, etc.)

Illustrations are not needed for this adult fiction manuscript. The text provides a clear image of characters, settings, and events. Nice work. The imagery is fantastic.

 

Other / Conclusion

With a careful and thorough edit, I believe you can turn this into a marketable story. It has all of the necessary elements: good characterization; interesting (and well-described) settings; and authentic-sounding dialogue.

This is an amazing manuscript. The characters are fabulous, as is the plot. I am impressed with your imagination, writing skills, and storytelling ability. The readers will truly love this material. Proofread to correct the errors noted above. Once the corrections have been made, this will be a success. I sincerely wish you luck with this endeavor. However you will not need luck, as you have a gift for writing.

 

 

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